I have enjoyed doing a blog everyday this week, as part of raising awareness of ABI week, but yesterday it was tough. In fact I felt it was all going a little too well, until my memory problems reared their ugly head, inevitably, once more.
Some of you may perhaps have noticed, at first, yesterday's blog did not exactly make a whole lot of sense in points, with parts of it repeated.
In fact, Amy rang me and pointed out I had written some of the same bits twice.
My brother Mat, also text me and said the same thing. As well as my sister Laura; which just goes to show how much I am looked out for by my two older siblings.
This probably shows you a tiny insight into what it is like living with a memory problem on a daily basis.
I write the blog on my phone and then transfer it to the blog app and upload it, following many repeated read throughs.
I then re-read and check it over again on Amy's iPad, and like I was told by my lecturer when I was first training to be a journalist; check, double check, and bloody well check again! This mantra was written on the white board in our classroom in permanent red ink as a constant reminder for us, so clearly it has stuck, I'm sure he will be glad to hear that.
However, I struggled with writing yesterday's blog. I kept copying and pasting it into various word processing apps, but I accidentally kept pasting it over and over again, so the mistakes were multiplied and magnified.
Another problem I had while all this was going on was I was trying to watch television at the same time; to master multitasking.
One of my favourite channels to watch is "E4" especially on Thursday evenings as it is their headline night, which you may have seen advertised if you watch television as much as us, called Quite Big Thursdays.
Unfortunately, so nothing is ever missed, they also have a sister channel called "E4 plus one", which is simply everything on E4, except then an hour later, so nothing can ever be missed.
So if I wasn't having enough trouble writing the blog already, on an increased daily basis, with my memory problems, I was then convinced I had already seen the evening's episodes of American sitcoms including The Big Bang Theory, and How I Met Your Mother, and it turns out I had, just an hour earlier, I knew I recognised them, but I just couldn't say for certain.
I also sometimes worry it seems like I'm moaning about my memory problems on this blog, but I'm really not. By pointing them out, it is simply my fear I may not be able to do my much-loved job/career again some day, seeing as memory is such an important component in performing the role of a sports journalist, or any job.
On Monday in my psychology session I was reminded it could be a whole lot worse though. I know I cannot fully rely on my memory; others are not so fortunate and do not know they have memory problems, this combination is hard to manage and can be dangerous. So I must remember, ironically, I am lucky.
Right so back to today. This morning I went to the gym and managed to do some walking on the treadmill - hands free! Amy was next to me just in case, but it definitely felt like a step closer to my ultimate goal of running again.
This afternoon I feel like I have gone backwards slightly as I needed a sleep because I did so much at the gym. Good days and bad days are expected but I thought these daytime naps were behind me. However, if you are not partial to a sun-drenched sleep, I definitely recommend every once in a while you spoil yourself!
Amy and I learned in a support group a few months ago, memory is made up of three different parts; encoding, storage and retrieval. If one of these stages isn't working so well, your memory is impacted. Over time we have learned when I am tired, I cannot encode properly, therefore it is not stored, so there is nothing to retrieve. This is why it is important for me to stay on top of my fatigue management, to give my brain the best possible chance to remember something.
With all the blog drama yesterday, Amy ended up cookig dinner so tonight it's my turn but I may be a little distracted by Northampton playing against my beloved Liecester Tigers in the Premiership semi-final. I'm sure I can handle a bit more multitasking though.
Thanks for reading